From the same woman in a hospital waiting area. Time passed between the comments - they weren't related.

"It's a picture of her sleeping with her chicken."

"We never woulda met if his wife hadn't gotten raped."

Wish I coined this term, because we all have a friend who can share this with us...

"Drama vomit"

I usually don't sneeze through my eyelids, but to each their own.

"When you sneeze, do your eyelids flutter, or is it just me?"

Needing an alternate plan in a parking lot after a big event.

Marco!



Polo!



You guys aren't my Polos...

This really belongs as a country-western lyric.

"Because of the fishy burps I'm going back to gummies."

What's the decision if you need to go #2?

"We just stopped to take a piss, and decided to pet a llama."

Heard in the pig barn

"So they get sick.  And the first symptom sounds like it's sudden death."

Wrong kind of loaf...

"Corgi butts look like bread."

When I think princess, I think storage

"So I wore my princess dress, because then I'd have pockets."

Part of a keynote speech - also, add the visual of waving a pink scarf.

"Ladies and Gentlemen...  I...  am a fertilized egg!"

It's a fair trade, I think we can all agree.

"Did you have a good talk?  Good.  I had a good potty."

Not mine, but I wish it was - stolen from a friend's FB post

"We know you hate bad squats"