Not their current employment

"Any job you can work a cash register while drinking tequila is worth keeping."

From a local traffic reporter on morning TV

"When you attend an event with a llama, the tuxedo is kinda superfluous."

While helping someone stretch

"Is that pain, or a thought?"
"It's a thought"
"Oh. About what?"
"Pain"

Overheard by a friend in nursing school

"Think globally; Always take time to look at the vomit."