Said by a group of experienced mothers, though not about their kids.

"If there's no school, there's no Joy"

Glad it's breathing - mouth-to-brim resuscitation is really tough

"My imaginary sombrero breaths a sigh of relief"

Most people go for mink, chinchilla, cashmere...

"I'm swathed in llama!"

My wife is the Roger Ebert of Christmas letters.

"Oh, dear. A second paragraph about Dick the Fish."

They're unlikely to become a paid endorser.

"I go to the chiropractor, and go to physical therapy 5 days a week. And in between appointments I go home, lay on the floor, and scream."
"So is that working well for you?"
"It's not clear yet..."

See, someone had ordered a musical-hit on me and Julio down by the schoolyard

"If Paul Simon were dead, he'd be rolling over in his grave."

I wonder if Byron Allen is a gateway drug...

"It's Sarah Purcell's fault that I went skydiving."