On the ferry to Canada (sadly, the speakers were American)

"And then, on the TV, they actually showed the recipe to make Crystal Methane!"

What does that look like?

"I want to kiss you so bad. I want to kiss you like a penguin."

Sports commentator

"If you're going to be stupid, be smart about it."

When you hear this getting off the plane, you know your business trip isn't going to go well.

"Welcome to town. I'm liquored up. You drive."

The joys of living in the middle of nowhere

"Hey, there's a frog on the propane."