Not quite "Hey, kid, want some candy?"

"How close have you ever been to a manatee?"

You're a local when you give directions to what used to be there. This is a step beyond

"So then you make a right where the Wal-Mart isn't"

If you hear a bleating sheep, it failed.

"Please remember, the mooing cow means that the system is being tested."

I've lived here too long - this barely registered as strange

"So you own the buffalo?"
"No, that's my neighbor, I own the zebra."

This one's a little "inside baseball"

"so whatever you do, don't sit between the hutch and the TV, especially when the Braves are playing."

My own addition to this little blog

"Excuse me, but your emu appears to be heading down the road that way."

Well, it is Halloween

I didn't want to spend my emergency $50 on a... bat.

From a news report

"The goal of the Alzheimer's gathering was to raise awareness..."

No idea what they think of birds or fish

"Cats are just like dogs, but in a different way".

At the 4-H auction

"Do you want to take a picture with your turkey? Is the turkey still here?"

Seems someone was buying milkshakes for seemlingly everyone

"Anyone else want to milk my daddy?"

Mainly because it came from Toni at the fair

"I'm full."

See, they wear blankets at the fair to keep themselves clean.

"It looks like the sheep are owned by the Klan."

Apparently looking forward to the apocalypse.

"I never want you to have to ration your pickles."

Gotta love small town parades.

"Did you guys get to touch a chicken?"

Explaining differences between cultures

"They throw rocks. I never threw rocks."

On the ferry to Canada (sadly, the speakers were American)

"And then, on the TV, they actually showed the recipe to make Crystal Methane!"

What does that look like?

"I want to kiss you so bad. I want to kiss you like a penguin."

Sports commentator

"If you're going to be stupid, be smart about it."

When you hear this getting off the plane, you know your business trip isn't going to go well.

"Welcome to town. I'm liquored up. You drive."

The joys of living in the middle of nowhere

"Hey, there's a frog on the propane."

Not their current employment

"Any job you can work a cash register while drinking tequila is worth keeping."

From a local traffic reporter on morning TV

"When you attend an event with a llama, the tuxedo is kinda superfluous."

While helping someone stretch

"Is that pain, or a thought?"
"It's a thought"
"Oh. About what?"
"Pain"

Overheard by a friend in nursing school

"Think globally; Always take time to look at the vomit."

Encouraging people to get involved in an upcoming event:

"You never know how just cutting cheese makes a tea a success."

No context is really needed

"You shouldn't be believing in the Easter Bunny when you're menstruating."

At the state bowling tournament

"Here, smell my ball."

(ps - it smelled like peppermint)

Came up with this one on my own.

"It was as much a surprise to have to dodge the bike as it was to see the guy carrying the duck."

Don't have to write this down - it was in today's paper

"There are about 100 ways to rig herring, depending on if the guts are left in or taken out."

One from my father's travels

"You want to hear a brain-teaser?"
"A brain-teaser? What's that?"

You have to realize that this was spoken, not written down.

" I think I'm becoming more like Pooh"

Driving in the car this morning

"Do you know where the Aleve is?"
"It's called Naproxen."
"OK (wondering how that helps my sore muscles), do you know where the Naproxen is?"
"Yes, it's in the bottle I labeled 'Aleve.' "