The financial hierarchy you need to know

 "If you've got castle money, you've got piranha money."

Apparently, it was also part of a honeymoon

 "I was just trying to go to the bathroom, and then I tripped over the chainsaw."

I'd hate for a good story to get in the way of a tantrum.

 “I’ll tell you about that later, but let me finish the temper tantrum first”

Said by a 10-year old at the fair. This does not bode well for their future...

 "My favorite thing is to go around a pole."

And what exactly is the bat-per-year ratio?

 "There's a lot of years of bats in that house."

My spouse just brought her lunch into the room

"What are you having?"

"Regrets."

Could be dinner, could be apparel, could be...

"I have so many llama choices - I think I'll go with the cow"