I keep getting closer and closer to hearing about cute sheep

"It's refreshing to be kissed by a different llama"

Sometimes it's the simple things in life...

"All I wanted for the evening was eyelashes and Subway."

From the same woman in a hospital waiting area. Time passed between the comments - they weren't related.

"It's a picture of her sleeping with her chicken."

"We never woulda met if his wife hadn't gotten raped."

Wish I coined this term, because we all have a friend who can share this with us...

"Drama vomit"

I usually don't sneeze through my eyelids, but to each their own.

"When you sneeze, do your eyelids flutter, or is it just me?"

Needing an alternate plan in a parking lot after a big event.

"Marco!"

"Polo!"

"You guys aren't my Polos..."

This really belongs as a country-western lyric.

"Because of the fishy burps I'm going back to gummies."