It was a project for my benefit - I probably owe someone some chocolate.

"You know those projects where you procrastinate and then when you finally finish it went so quickly you wonder why you put off doing it so long?  This isn't one of those projects."

Surely a menu item called "The Old Timey" is the first one to change

"Is this bacon on 'The Old Timey'?"
"Yes"
"Is that a new thing?"

Yes, these published sentences were approved by the Chamber of Commerce.

"To decide on a new name, the town held a meeting.  Though the first meeting ended in a brawl, the second meeting was more successful."

Think extreme female anatomical modification

"I've never seen anything like it.  And I watch a lot of porn."

This explains my dad's career path

"He had to go into marketing because he couldn't be an acupuncturist."

Now I understand why postpartum depression is so painful

"It's OK, Mom is stapled to the infant."

One should always spread the fun around.

"Always be non-discriminatory in your bigotry."