It's a wonder we don't have a file called "restraining orders" in our house.

"Stalking is best done from a distance, emotionally and physically.  I can't really stalk them if I get to know them."

Yes this was an engagement discussion

"I was still hungover when I said yes."

He saw the whole cast.

"So do you want me to tell you the story of the first time he went to a strip club, or do you want him tell you himself?"

Any guesses who said this?

"What are the dessert options at the buffet?"
"They're great.  I saw things on a stick and gelato."

Because all the rules are out the window at the Summer Picnic

"I don't know what he was doing holding my duck.  But it was the Summer Picnic."

No, this wasn't from Miley Cyrus.

"This is what I normally wear.  Sometimes I even wear a shirt."

No bits of anatomy were involved in the making of this post - really

"Did you lose something?"
"No, just looking for my nipple."