Not their current employment

"Any job you can work a cash register while drinking tequila is worth keeping."

From a local traffic reporter on morning TV

"When you attend an event with a llama, the tuxedo is kinda superfluous."

While helping someone stretch

"Is that pain, or a thought?"
"It's a thought"
"Oh. About what?"
"Pain"

Overheard by a friend in nursing school

"Think globally; Always take time to look at the vomit."

Encouraging people to get involved in an upcoming event:

"You never know how just cutting cheese makes a tea a success."

No context is really needed

"You shouldn't be believing in the Easter Bunny when you're menstruating."

At the state bowling tournament

"Here, smell my ball."

(ps - it smelled like peppermint)