Tuesday, August 19, 2025

A wide-ranging family, for certain

 [At a major corporate store opening]

"Did you know <high-level head-office employee>'s brother is here?"
"Do you mean the pilot?"
"No, the pastor."

Sunday, August 10, 2025

Ever feel like a non-player character?

 "How are you doing?"

"Just living someone else's dream, man."

Friday, August 8, 2025

Sometimes family relations require such interventions.

 "I need to go check on my mother-in-law.  I left her all Benadryl-ed up." 

That's the animal, not the language

 "I could talk pig all day"

Saturday, August 2, 2025

Just before their first opportunity to judge at a county fair -

 "I'm always judging.  It just doesn't always involve ribbons."

Sunday, May 25, 2025

Just leaning into the stereotype

 "I grew up Quaker, but I really like seeing people have fun."

Friday, May 23, 2025

I'd take either, honestly.

 "Surprise ice cream is so much better than requested ice cream."

Monday, February 3, 2025

The financial hierarchy you need to know

 "If you've got castle money, you've got piranha money."